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Student writing sample:
In my country teenagers do not have jobs because they have the job to study. Being the student an, an
excellent student, is the most important role
for teenagers. <Making money as a
teenager is not important.> It’s important to make the parents proud and to
compete for good univesities and good jobs.
Families and parents think it is really important for
children to study very hard, very long, no breaks, so they get the top
placements in the school.
There are many many people in my country so only some can but there are only few spaces at university. So the students who are
at
top places in schools are the ones who go to university. Students who attend the best
universities get the best jobs. It’s so important to get the best university
then you can relax.
It’s so important to make your parents proud. Our country was at war in the
1950’s
and our parents worked very
very hard to get around over above it. The country had nothing.
We are like Japan, parents work very many hours and students must study hard. Working hard brings honour to the family.
Top scores are very important so parents feel proud of their son’s hard work.
Our culture does not think teenagers should have to make money. Parents pay for the teenagers
shelter, food, and clothing. Working would
take time away from studying. Parents have the job to make money. Teenagers have the job to study very hard.
To concluding, teenagers should not work, they should do their very best in school and make a parents proud.
Uses a range of utility words (student, money, teenager, jobs, parents, families, children, school, places, country, war, study), descriptive
words (excellent, most important, proud, good, really, top, best, very hard, honour), subject-specific words (role, shelter, clothing)
and academic words (compete, attend, placements, scores, culture).
Uses negatives (should not work), irregular plurals (univesities [universities]), object pronouns (it),
prepositions (for, at, in, to, of, from), regular and irregular verbs in past (was, worked, had) and future continuous
tenses (no evidence).
Writes a variety of compound sentences (There are many many people in my country so only some can
but there are only few spaces at the universities.) and complex sentences (Our culture does not think teenagers should have to make
money.).
Uses circumlocution (study very hard, very long, no breaks) and word substitution (around over above) to add descriptions and
make better word choices.
Produces expository and narrative texts using appropriate forms and styles (Writes five-paragraph essay with topic sentence and concluding
paragraph.)
Level 2: Connects ideas in a paragraph using conjunctions (because, so, and), time markers and sequence markers
(then).
Level 3: Connects ideas in a three-paragraph descriptive composition using transition words and subordinate conjunctions
(no evidence).
Edits and revises texts for capitalization of proper nouns (Japan), apostrophes (It’s, 1950’s, son’s), quotation marks
(no evidence), hyphens (no evidence), dashes (no evidence), commas (,),
regular (important, proud, teenagers) and irregular spelling (universities, their), subject–verb
agreement (It’s important, schools are, students who are), appropriate word choice (relax, take time away) and
addition of supporting details (Parents have the job to make money. Teenagers have the job to study very hard.).
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