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Student writing sample:
Life is harder when you have choices. My culture believes that parents choose your path in life. Back in home my friends and I talked around what our parents wanted for us and worked
carefully to get those goals. Then we moved here and I find myself in a culture where the children have to say about what they want to do. Ever since I’ve begun to think I might have to say about what I want in the world I’ve been so unhappy.
My father is engineer. He has provided a great deal of daily things for us and given us many opportunities. My mother is engineer too. Genetically I should be top in math
but there is no
proof of that. I spend hours struggling with numbers and both of my parents work
explaining them at me over and over.
At first I thought it was because my English was poor but
I’ve been here six years now and that isn’t it.
I just don’t get the numbers. Despite this difficulty my parents’ wishes for me are set. I have to be engineer.
In my high school they provide lots of career information and recommend choosing a career based on interests and talents. At first, I was at a lost for what might even interest me but over the months I have begun recognize that I enjoy helping people. I counsel all of my friends and read many books on philosophy, new age perspectives, and psychology. I
brought these interests to my parents...once. It didn’t go well.
How do I join my new need for having some say about what I want to pursue in life with the traditional expectations to obediently follow the wishes of my parents?
I have watched my friends as they choose one path over the other. Some of them choose the path that their parents want. And others choose the path they want and their parents reluctantly agree to allow their children to explore “other possibilities.”
Somebody is going to be unhappy. I struggle with this dilemma, and often dream about my dreams.
I day dreams about this dangerous journey of life as I go to counsellor’s office to get a registration form for summer school so that I can improve my mathematics
mark and successfully apply to the engineering at university.
Selects from a greater range of utility words (engineer, opportunities, proof), descriptive words (harder, carefully,
difficulty, reluctantly), subject-specific words (culture, career information, dilemma, dream), academic words
(explaining, recommend, apply, agree) and words with multiple meanings (deal, path, mark).
Uses phrasal expressions (have a say, journey of life), conditional structures (no evidence), a range of past
tense (talked, moved, brought), present tense (provide, follow, choose), future tense (no evidence)
and perfect tense (I’ve been, have watched) in active and passive voice.
Writes a variety of sentence structures to express relationships of time (At first, I was at a lost for what might even interest me but over the
months I have begun recognize that I enjoy helping people.) and condition (Ever since I’ve begun to think I might have to say about what
I want in the world I’ve been so unhappy.).
Uses planning tools and grammatical references to confirm meaning of words, make more effective word choices (Genetically, traditional
expectations) and use correct punctuation (parents’, …).
Produces expository and narrative texts with a developing sense of audience, genre, voice (I just don’t get the numbers.) and degree of
formality (My culture believes that parents choose your path in life.).
Connects ideas in a cohesive, well-developed, five-paragraph academic composition using a variety of cohesive devices (Back, Then, where, but,
at first, Despite, others, so that).
Level 3: Edits and revises texts for capitalization of proper nouns (English), apostrophes (counsellor’s),
quotation marks (“other possibilities”), hyphens (no evidence), dashes (no evidence), commas
(,), regular (registration) and irregular spelling (pursue), spelling of homophones and homonyms
(goals, based, well), subject–verb agreement (he has, my mother is), appropriate word choice (struggling,
set) and addition of supporting details (I counsel all of my friends and read many books on philosophy, new age perspectives, and
psychology.).
Level 4: Edits and revises essays for most punctuation conventions, appropriate word forms and word choice, content, organization, verb
tense, and active and passive voice.
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